so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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