Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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