I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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