So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
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