I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize