READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
