I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
