went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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