I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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