Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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