The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
