I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
is it fun? or sober?
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