Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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