David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
