More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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