Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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