I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
