You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize