I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
