My cat gives me a boner
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
