Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
