God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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