Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
