you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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