I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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