after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize