There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
