Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
