the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
