I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
