How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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