3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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