Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
