Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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