What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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