well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
