Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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