Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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