Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You dont lie about slip and slides
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
