Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
