If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
