used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
