a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize