and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
