hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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