She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
