Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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