How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
