Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize