This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
