Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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