Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
