I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So much rum. So many feels.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
