My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
