Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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