good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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