Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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