Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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