I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
