So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We are two peas in an std pod
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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