im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
