Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize