mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My underwear smells like fireworks.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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