Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
The air taste purple.
Randomize
