I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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