When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
