In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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