I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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