Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
