She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
