You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
