So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize