I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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