2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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