I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
