I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
