Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
