sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
