I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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