someone threw a dead crab at me
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
