So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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