I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize