It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
