You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
