i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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