i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
