when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
