It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
