PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
