If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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