so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
