There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
