Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
