I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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