OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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