the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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