and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
