i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
