A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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