i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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