I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
one might say we're banned from that church
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
