He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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