I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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