Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
