After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
