Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize