If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
