that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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