Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
