My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
