No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
