I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
