Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
