his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
