Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
