I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
